Good Morning to you
- Whether you be one of my FOUR (what a lovely number BTW ;-) supremely exquisite supporters who aren't ashamed to openly subscribe to me, a private subscriber or a new reader.. Thank for stopping by for your daily dose of 'JEN'.. And I ain't BOTTOMSHELF 'JEN' EITHER *INSIDE JOKE* lol
**DISCLAIMER** I am running off of an hour and a half of sleep TOPS because of the DayLight Savings Time, me being restless and not being able to fall asleep and when I actually DID fall asleep, my boyfriend locked himself out of the apartment lol.. Anyway, please excuse the spelling and/ or grammatical errors in advance....
Anyhow, today, I kind of have a topic that I would like to speak my mind about. Last night, as I was struggling to do a rewrite of one my papers for grad school, I noticed that I was just doing the paper to fulfill the requirements and nothing else. For some of you, this may seem like a normal happenstance but for me, when I do a paper, I put my all in to it. I learn from myself, from others, as well as peer editors who help out during the revising process. But, ever since I have been in grad school, I have not felt the need to challenge myself and rise to the occasion. When my professors even attempt to push and try to get more out of me, I simply 'fall short' of what is being asked of me.
I began to question was I smart enough to do the work, which my professors never brought up. However, I quickly ruled that out because I received all A's and a B- in my first semester of grad school. Second, I began to question was I in teh right program. That was eventually ruled out because the program was about Social Justice, an area that I feel closely embodies what type of person I am, inside and out. Then, I began to look at was it the class schedule and such. This has not been ruled out, but in some ways, my intuition is telling me that this is not the negligent factor, either. One of the last things I thought was me as a person, where I am at in my life, my AKAmplishments ;-) as well as my goals for self. Then, it hit me. I am in a program with all of these older people, who are at least one of the following: 1- Have been out of school for at least 5 years or more; 2 - Have established SOME type of foundation in their careers or lives; 3- Have SOME type of financial stability and foundation that is SOMEWHAT dependable; 3- Have full-time jobs; 4- Have kids; 5- Have lived their lives, identified a passion for changing the world and are confident in where they are right now....
Personally, this kind of unnerved me once I really sat down, thought about it and broke it down for myself and others to see where I was coming from. I have not been out of undergrad for even a year yet; there was not even 6 months in between the time from whence I graduated until the time I began graduate coursework at MG. My life and JOB (I don't have a career right now; YES there IS a difference) really don't NOT (Yea I said it) have any real foundation or afford me the opportunity to feel "financially secure" or "financially dependable". I do NOT work full time (UGH this h$% a$$ list is GETTING WORSE AND WORSE for me, aint it?!?!). I am ONLY 23 years old, so therefore, I feel like I have not lived my life some. I do NOT have children and I am NOT confident/comfortable in where I am at right now..
However, I eventually want to change the world and have an impact on society in the manifestation of opening a non profit agency, serving black males ages 16-30, who have felonious records. I just feel that right now, I can NOT effectively help ANYBODY if I can't help myself. I need to help me first before I "SAVE THE WORLD"!
But, alas, I suffer from 'Good Achievers' -itis and I MUST complete what I start. It DOES kind of unnerve me that after I broke this ALL the way down for people, they told me the following:
'You have an educated mind. You were made to educated. You were made to go to school. These things come so easy for you. That is a gift you should not waste. Don't drop out.'
I understand that education and learning comes more naturally to others than some, but I kind of think that is such a "cop-out" answer in a sense. Anyway, I'm tired of writing about this cuz it is making me mad GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. Let me get back to friggin' work.. err, I mean my jiz-ob! lol
As usual, BE BLESSED!!!!! YOU could have been anywhere else, but YOU decided to be with me and read what I had to say .. Awwww *tear*.. lol.. Have a great day and a properous week.. and I will get at you guys SOON! Holllllaaaa!
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