Can a chick "wife" a dude up?

Good Afternoon Y'all!

Anybody that knows me knows that I LOVE me some reality tv shows. RHOA is my Sunday addiction. If you watch the show, you know a little bit about Phaedra and Apollo. Phaedra is a college educated attorney w/her own firm who is married to Apollo, a man that she grew up with who has a criminal record. For the sake of time, I won't get into detail into his past, which is nonviolent. Anyway, after Apollo got out of prison, him and Phaedra got married and began working on their family; they currently have two boys, a newborn and toddler.

Anyway, I gave you the background for this couple because it relates to my blog topic for the day:

 

CAN YOU "WIFE" A DUDE?????

 

 

Me and my friends used to joke about about 'wife'-ing a dude when we were younger. Basically, we meant in the context of "I would be in a committed relationship with him. I would pursue him. He may not be on my level (ie financially, educationally, mentally, etc..) and I can take on the task of getting him on my level." Not necessarily saying, "I will be a sugar mama" but basically guiding him to upgrade himself on his dollar, not ours.

 

Back to Phae-Phae and her hubby....

 

She is the breadwinner, she makes the decisions, she pays the bills, she has her career, husband and family (as it appears on tv), however, it looks like she does/says a lot to emasculate him as a man to "keep him in line", which is NOT COOL, no matter what the situation. Apollo is still trying to find his professional niche (again, as it appears on tv). Phaedra constantly makes reference that Apollo "knows what side his bread is buttered on", on national tv to the millions (and millions!) of at home viewers. Granted, she makes more money, but she makes NO QUALMS in making it known that Apollo is a "kept" man. People consistently point out the "upperhand" she has in her marriage...
 
..... but is it a fair title?

In a sense, is Phaedra supporting her husband,  being a sugah mama or "wife"ing a dude?

However, on the other side of the coin.....

When dudes "wife" a chick, he is admirable. He is "looking out" or "holding her down". Yes, some women get a bad rep if she jumps from peen to peen for financial support, but does the guy get a bad rep? Not often and we can attribute this to the popular saying "It ain't trickin' if you got it!"...
 
................I suppose..

Ladies, have you "wifed" a dude? Dudes, have you been "wifed"? Would you or would you be down for the cause?

Weigh in if you want...

Unti next ime....

 

Luckily, I grew up and realized you should never add pressure for a man to change himself; a man (or a person in general) changes themselves for the better or "upgrades" on their own free will. Also, I am BLESSED that my fiancé came as a TOTAL AND COMPLETE package that complements me. 

In Love

Good Morning Y'all!

Since yesterday was my third or fouth reintroduction post, I decided to come back and grace y'all with an actual post *cues trumpet*

So, yesterday, I caught you up on the high level things that I have been up to.. And one of them was me being in love *tunes up my AWWWWWWW chorale*

Being in love is one thing. Being in love and being long distance is something else.

Long distance relationships are great if the two people involved are loyal and devoted enough to remain faithful to one another. I'm sooooo happy that I picked a good one y'all! No little whispering from that voice inside (s/o to the spirit of discernment!) that he is up to something he has no business of doing.

I appreciate being apart of a relationship where the man is honest and genuine. In return, I give him 150% of what he gives me, so I feel this is a balanced, fulfilling relationship and he agrees.

However.... (You know this post wouldn't have spice without my 'howevers')

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN YOU SETTLE DOWN FOR REAL ALL TYPES OF RANDOMS THROW THEMSELVES AT YOU (i.e. both parties)???? THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM..

I mean, when I was single, nobody (and I do mean, nobody) tried to holler at me. I mean, there were guys here and there every now and again, but it seems like EVERYDAY, I catch myself saying "No, I'm not interested at all. I'm in a relationship. Have a good day!" and that's the NICE version..

Guys, why do you think it's ok to holla at a woman? I mean, literally HOLLA at a woman!

Random Guy#1: (yells) AYYYY YOU FINE AS HE** GUH!
Me: (keeps walking, ignoring random guy#1)
Random Guy #1: (yells) SHE FINE AS FU**

See what I mean. How about the 'hollering' friend and the 'good guy' sidekick. Ugh!

RanRandom Guy#1: (yells) AYYYY YOU FINE AS HE** GUH!
Me: (keeps walking, ignoring random guy#1)
Random Guy #1: (yells) SHE FINE AS FU**
Random Guy #2: (walks over) Sorry, about my friend, but you are quite attractive.
Me: Thanks, but I'm not interested. Goodbye.
Random Guy#2: I just want to be your friend.
Me: I am a friend of God and Jesus is my friend.
Random Guy #2: *confused*

I say all of this to say, men, if a woman is NOT making eye contact, please TRUST that we aren't playing the shy/coy role. Some of us don't buy into the "thirst" and are truly content in our situations. Don't bum rush us, don't yell at us, don't draw unneeded attention our way for we carry mace for that. Just chill - if a lady is interested - fellas, you will KNOW.

Until next time,

Letter Advice - We Aren't Compatible, but I still want him..

Good afternoon good people..

Last night, I went to Zumi.. Nice spot, but I gotta go back when I'm not tired and when I have some time to bliggity blow..

S/O to KP- my homey may have the flu.. Feel better hunny....

S/O to this thunderstorm watch going on in the Nash right now.. Dude, when it rains here, IT RAINS!.. NO WAY JOSE!

Anyway, let's get into another letter....

Dear Jen,

Love the blog. Great job. I've known you for quite a  bit and I must say, I am thoroughly impressed with your level of writing, expertise, humor and candor. Anyway, I write to you because I am interested in this guy but it seems like we are incompatible. We are still in the 'getting to know you' phase after 5 months of hanging out, getting drinks or grabbing dinner. Is that normal? He seems to be a bit more reserved and I'm not shy by far, but he seems to make me shy. What does that mean? I really don't know if he is interested or not. He wants me to go out and meet people, but when I do, he always has a crass opinion or comment about any of the other guys I may have dates with. I've come to the understanding that he is not interested in me, but then he will try to flirt with me and encouraging me to flirt back with him. Please help.

Sincerely,
Confused & Not Compatible

Dear Confused & Not Compatible,

Thanks for the love and support. You have known me for awhile, but I am glad this blog is taking you a level deeper into my own insight. Refreshing, isn't it? Wow, still in the 'getting to know you' phase after 5 months? Sounds like the friend zone to me, unless this guy is socially retarded or awkward. IJS. Maybe that is normal for him, but obviously it is not normal for you based on your past or preconceived notions. Maybe you should talk to him about. Even if you are friends, you need to be able to communicate freely with him. So, ask him are you guys friends? If he responds yes, then tell him you don't understand why you two are still in the "getting to know you" phase after 5 months. If he makes you shy, then maybe you like him and are feeding into the insecurities that he may not feel the same. Sounds like he definitely sending you mixed signals. Le Sigh. Call bullshiggity and place your cards on the table. He can't suggest you go on dates, but then act super salty when you bring it up... C'mon son!!!

What do you think? Does Confused have a reason to be confused? Is he suitor sending mixed signals?

UNTIL NEXT TIME.....

"I Cry For You" - Why SOME Dudes Can't Get Down With The Emo Movement

Good Morning Everybody!

S/O to all of you out there in e-world that have been faithful to the site, offering topic/blog suggestions; you have been instrumental in helping us reach OVER 1,000 views.. Whoop-Whoop!

Today's topic came to me yesterday when I texting a friend of mine who, at one time, was "more than a friend" to me.. ;-) (I would shout them out, but I'm sure he don't want his "bid-ness" all on this here "inna-nets".. lol Anyway, we were talking about why we fizzled and I said, "Truth moment? You don't like to display feelings or get emo. Why? Do you not like being vulnerable or do you feel that is a female trait?"

At that very moment, a light bulb went off in my head: "Why are SOME (not all!!) dudes afraid to get emo? Why do som avoid it like the pliggity plague?" IDK, but let's dissect this a BIT further..

First off, what is EMO?

EMO is short (or text lingo) for emotional. Basically, anything mushy, sappy, romantic or anything with feelings attached that allows one to be vulnerable and lower that wall of protection is sure to be in the realm of "emo"-osity. I, for one, love an emo dude. Granted, he can't be crying 24/8 lol but, a dose of feelings, emotions and vulnerability is realllyyy sexy.. Thats IMO (IMO is In my Opinion; IMO is not related to or to be confused with EMO)

EMO is a sliding scale of tender, lovey-dovey, wovey emotions. With category one being as small as a dude holding a chick's hand, looking her in the eyes with deep sincerity and spouting mush from the heart all the way to a category 5, which is all out bawling, snot rolling, on your knees singing a Robin Thicke ballad out of tune... The visual makes me shudder lol

Second, what situations is it ok for EMO to be displayed?

We all know that there is a time and place for everything. Crying and carrying on (the category 5 should not be displayed in public, if at all IMO, but I have seen it...), as well as certain PDA should be kept for behind closed doors (another topic for another day...)

EMO is ok and welcomed to be displayed at random. That's the the best way to show its' true sincerity, innocence and genuine honesty.... When EMO is displayed at random for your girl, when you bare your soul and she is not expecting that, IT REALLYS BLOWS OUR MINDS!! No, really.

It's ok to display EMO when you are being sincere, when you and your S/O are fighting and you gotta concede defeat: let that wall down and wave your white EMO flag.

Take Drake for example. His emo (which he wears on his sleeve) can be categorized as a strong category 2, maybe a weak category 3 on a bad day.

Last, why do (some, not all!) guys avoid EMO at all costs?

Last night, I was told that EMO was avoided and not a viable option because it makes him feel vulnerable and that is not a good feeling. Today, when I asked another guy how being EMO was not seen as a "cool" and "regular" thing for guys, I was told that "emotions make you cry sometimes and crying can be viewed as a weakness."

So, I take this "real" data and I am making an educated inferential conclusion that asks: Can ish get TOO REAL for guys at times and emotions are something that they can not control, so they just avoid them?

Avoid what you can't control? Or a cop-out? You can make that decision. I'm just showing both sides..

Personally, if a guy gets emo and shows his vulnerability, it shows me that he cares enough to trust me wholeheartedly to do the right thing with his heart. Plus, actions speak louder than any words. A guy can say he loves you but if he is unwilling (or afraid) to take a chance on me like I am taking a chance on him in the vulnerability department, I would have to question his feelings for me.

Then again, some men vie to be like their father and if Dad is hard as nails, then I am sure he groomed his sons to be the same as well. "Crying is for girls and sissies" is something I remember my brother's dad always saying to my oldest brother.

Also, if Daddy was not around, your guy could have a "Daddy Issue" complex.... Which is a whole 'nother blog topic discussion in itself....

Like I say, I love you, but I will always love me more.. I love the brothers, but sometimes, you don't have to be so hard..

What do you think? Was I right? Was I too hard on the guys? Are the guys holding themselves to unbelievable standards? Is EMO bad for men to display?

UNTIL NEXT TIME, LOVES....