Can a chick "wife" a dude up?

Good Afternoon Y'all!

Anybody that knows me knows that I LOVE me some reality tv shows. RHOA is my Sunday addiction. If you watch the show, you know a little bit about Phaedra and Apollo. Phaedra is a college educated attorney w/her own firm who is married to Apollo, a man that she grew up with who has a criminal record. For the sake of time, I won't get into detail into his past, which is nonviolent. Anyway, after Apollo got out of prison, him and Phaedra got married and began working on their family; they currently have two boys, a newborn and toddler.

Anyway, I gave you the background for this couple because it relates to my blog topic for the day:

 

CAN YOU "WIFE" A DUDE?????

 

 

Me and my friends used to joke about about 'wife'-ing a dude when we were younger. Basically, we meant in the context of "I would be in a committed relationship with him. I would pursue him. He may not be on my level (ie financially, educationally, mentally, etc..) and I can take on the task of getting him on my level." Not necessarily saying, "I will be a sugar mama" but basically guiding him to upgrade himself on his dollar, not ours.

 

Back to Phae-Phae and her hubby....

 

She is the breadwinner, she makes the decisions, she pays the bills, she has her career, husband and family (as it appears on tv), however, it looks like she does/says a lot to emasculate him as a man to "keep him in line", which is NOT COOL, no matter what the situation. Apollo is still trying to find his professional niche (again, as it appears on tv). Phaedra constantly makes reference that Apollo "knows what side his bread is buttered on", on national tv to the millions (and millions!) of at home viewers. Granted, she makes more money, but she makes NO QUALMS in making it known that Apollo is a "kept" man. People consistently point out the "upperhand" she has in her marriage...
 
..... but is it a fair title?

In a sense, is Phaedra supporting her husband,  being a sugah mama or "wife"ing a dude?

However, on the other side of the coin.....

When dudes "wife" a chick, he is admirable. He is "looking out" or "holding her down". Yes, some women get a bad rep if she jumps from peen to peen for financial support, but does the guy get a bad rep? Not often and we can attribute this to the popular saying "It ain't trickin' if you got it!"...
 
................I suppose..

Ladies, have you "wifed" a dude? Dudes, have you been "wifed"? Would you or would you be down for the cause?

Weigh in if you want...

Unti next ime....

 

Luckily, I grew up and realized you should never add pressure for a man to change himself; a man (or a person in general) changes themselves for the better or "upgrades" on their own free will. Also, I am BLESSED that my fiancé came as a TOTAL AND COMPLETE package that complements me. 

Good afternoon everybody!

I know I haven't posted in awhile, but it's a good reason, so let me catch y'all up :-)

1- I left Nashville, TN to come back to MI (I'm in Lansing, instead of Detroit)

     I'm excited to be back home. I can go see my family and friends when I want to. I don't have to deal with a superior who DENIES bereavement and tries to get me to do her work (no shade- just facts!)

2- My loving boyfriend is now my loving fiancé (yesssss- we were engaged September 18, 2013)

      He took a lot of things into consideration while planning how he would propose. All I will say for now is that I will NEVER forget that day.

3- Wedding Planning is EXCITED, now that it is no longer stressful and confusing!

     I am loving every second of planning the ceremony w/the man of my dreams. However, I would marry Will in a cardboard box, dressed in potato sack- that's how much I love him. I'm marriage minded, not wedding-obsessed. There is a difference.

4- Lansing isn't that bad lol

    P Sqaured. Deluca's. College tailgating. What more can I say?

5- I got a new job that's better than my last job in TN (no shade at all!)

     More money, better opportunity, in MI and better, more disciplined leadership in place. No place is perfect, but I am happy.

6- My hair is THRIVING and GROWING like a weed!!

    My hair is now at the top of collarbone when stretched. I still am scared to put heat on it, but whateves.... Im glad my hair is healthy.

7- It feels good to be back home near friends, family and loved ones, esp during the holidays #HoneyBoom

     I am excited to be back w/my family during the holidays and not having to use my PTO to travel so I am not alone on the holidays.

8- As of yesterday, I was recruited to start blogging for Delphine Publications.

     I will be doing book reviews, Author Q&As, GIVEAWAYS (ie products, books, CASH, etc...) SO IF YOU ARE NOT SUBSCRIBED - PLEASE SUBSCRIBE SO YOU DON'T MISS OUT!!!!!

9- Weight has been down

     Still in the gym. 4 days a week consistently. Eating better, cooking better.... getting FINE and healthy, okayyyy?

More blog posts to come later..... you can be sure of it..

STAY TUNED Y'ALL!

Natural Hair Care

Good Morning All!

Look at me doing better..

Well, I think I will be making a big announcement VERY SOON.. Has to do with my my professional ventures and side gigs.. STAY TUNED!! Just whisper a little prayer of positivity for me :-)

Anyway, as many of you know, I stopped putting that creamy crack in my hair April 2011, but continued to press my "wavy" hair to get that ripple curl out. I pressed my hair from April 2011 until April 2012.

Since I had some heat damage from pressing, I began to flexi rod with my natural hair stylist here to push my transition along from May 2012 to July 2012.

After becoming addicted to the flexi rod/flat twist styles and its' many variations, I threw some kinky twists in my hair in July 2012.

On September 26, 2012, I decided to cut all my hair that had seen ANY heat. I went to my hairdresser & I did the big chop (recorded it!)- I cut the last inch of perm ends, as well as the bulk of my hair which had been dyed and in flexi rods and/or braids/twists- I was left with 2.5/3 inches of hair all over!

Honestly, I was NOT happy at first. PERIOD! I regretted my decision immediately!

However, it took me two weeks to embrace my hair. My mom flat out said, "Your hair looks crazy! What did you do? I can't wait until your hair grows back!" A BIG reason I began to embrace my hair so quickly was because my boyfriend CONSTANTLY told me I was beautiful and my hair would grow back in no time. He loved my curls before I did, which in turn, gave me the self-confidence to fall in love with my curls and natural hair texture(s). Yes, I have about 3 hair textures: Front and right side is 3c/4a, back is 3c/4a and my middle (very SMALL patch) is 4b/4c and my upper left front side is 3a.

Today, I love my hair. I get so many compliments on the different things I try in my hair and how healthy and thick it is (Just look at my flatironed pic up top- BORING, LIMP AND DRAB!) I made it a point that I would NOT go and see my hair stylist here until I learned how my hair works and how to style it for myself. If I could style my hair straight and thin, I should be just as good to learn to style my hair curly and thick.

However, I want to talk about my hair regimen and how my hair has gotten so long and so thick.

Hair Do's

1- I DO ONLY drink water

2- I DO use raw honey as my Deep conditioner

3- I DO deep condition my hair weekly

4- I DO cowash weekly & clarify monthly

5- I DO finger detangle with lots of condish

6- I DO wear a lot of low maintenance styles

7- I DO seal when damp after applying leave in with EVOO (Extra virgin olive oil)

8- I DO use my homemade whipped shea butter for twists and after I spritz with waster/castor mix as a refresher (shea butter has EVOO, castor and peppermint EO- it's yummy-tastic)

9- I DO use all natural products and have become a mixologist

10- I DO watch my diet and workout 3-5 times a week

Hair Don'ts

1- I DON'T drink a lot of caffeine or eat a lot of fried foods

2- I DON'T use sulfates, parabens or heavy petrolatum

3- I DON'T buy a lot of products with ingredients I am unfamiliar with

4- I DON'T skip my DC

5- I DON'T use combs or brushes to style or detangle

6- I DON'T wear a lot of styles that pull and tear at my edges

7- I DON'T forget to use my refresher (water mainly) everyday

8- I DON'T use a LOT of store bought mixed products/brands

9- I DON'T layer more than 2 products in my hair (Leave in and shea butter)

10- I DON'T forget to use the LOC method (Liquid, Oil and Cream) on my hair for MAXIMUM moisture.

This has worked for me.. I have retained length, my hair is healthy, my scalp is healthy and my skin is blemish free.. I hope this helps :-)

Until next time....



Certified Dreamer

Good Afternoon Everybody!

I'm a dreamer.. bonafide!!

Are you a dreamer? I hope you are :-)

I know this may sound childish to some, but just hear me out..

Dreamers are visionaries.

Dreamers envision EVERYTHING they do BEFORE they do it in full detail. Before I relocated to TN, I SAW everything falling into place. Never once did I actually see failure in my future.

Dreamers are seekers.

Dreamers seek information and people out. We are the ultimate people person and we grind for the information straight from the source. Word of mouth and accepting something as 'status quo' won't cut it for a dreamer.

Dreamers are risk takers.

Dreamers are risk takers. You really have to be risk taker to uproot yourself to a whole other state for a change. Dreamers love change, however, consistency and a good foundation is needed for us to consider planting roots.

Dreamers have an entrepreneurial spirit.

Dreamers make good owners or managers. We see the big picture! We like to lead without being a dictator. We like to lead from the backseat; we thrive on our actions reflecting what type of leader we are to inspire our followers to be 'like us.'

Dreamers are (over)thinkers.

Dreamers over think everything, which is a GOOD thing. Contrary to popular belief, we don't make a lot of decisions on a "whim". As dreamers, we think situations through and through with all different types of endings. We like surprises, however, we don't need the type of surprises to set us off our course to greatness.

In my mind, it's a GREAT time to be a dreamer! Are you a dreamer?

Thnigs that make you go HMMMMMMM..

Until next time, y'all......

In Love

Good Morning Y'all!

Since yesterday was my third or fouth reintroduction post, I decided to come back and grace y'all with an actual post *cues trumpet*

So, yesterday, I caught you up on the high level things that I have been up to.. And one of them was me being in love *tunes up my AWWWWWWW chorale*

Being in love is one thing. Being in love and being long distance is something else.

Long distance relationships are great if the two people involved are loyal and devoted enough to remain faithful to one another. I'm sooooo happy that I picked a good one y'all! No little whispering from that voice inside (s/o to the spirit of discernment!) that he is up to something he has no business of doing.

I appreciate being apart of a relationship where the man is honest and genuine. In return, I give him 150% of what he gives me, so I feel this is a balanced, fulfilling relationship and he agrees.

However.... (You know this post wouldn't have spice without my 'howevers')

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN YOU SETTLE DOWN FOR REAL ALL TYPES OF RANDOMS THROW THEMSELVES AT YOU (i.e. both parties)???? THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM..

I mean, when I was single, nobody (and I do mean, nobody) tried to holler at me. I mean, there were guys here and there every now and again, but it seems like EVERYDAY, I catch myself saying "No, I'm not interested at all. I'm in a relationship. Have a good day!" and that's the NICE version..

Guys, why do you think it's ok to holla at a woman? I mean, literally HOLLA at a woman!

Random Guy#1: (yells) AYYYY YOU FINE AS HE** GUH!
Me: (keeps walking, ignoring random guy#1)
Random Guy #1: (yells) SHE FINE AS FU**

See what I mean. How about the 'hollering' friend and the 'good guy' sidekick. Ugh!

RanRandom Guy#1: (yells) AYYYY YOU FINE AS HE** GUH!
Me: (keeps walking, ignoring random guy#1)
Random Guy #1: (yells) SHE FINE AS FU**
Random Guy #2: (walks over) Sorry, about my friend, but you are quite attractive.
Me: Thanks, but I'm not interested. Goodbye.
Random Guy#2: I just want to be your friend.
Me: I am a friend of God and Jesus is my friend.
Random Guy #2: *confused*

I say all of this to say, men, if a woman is NOT making eye contact, please TRUST that we aren't playing the shy/coy role. Some of us don't buy into the "thirst" and are truly content in our situations. Don't bum rush us, don't yell at us, don't draw unneeded attention our way for we carry mace for that. Just chill - if a lady is interested - fellas, you will KNOW.

Until next time,

Don't Judge Me

Hi All!

Guess who is trying to get biz-ack? lol

Anyway, let me catch all y'all up..

Well. I'm no longer single in the city.. I'm in love! And it's actually GOOD! Yahhhhh!

Nashville is still Nashville- country as ever *cues banjo*

I just turned 27 a few months ago and I made a 30 before 30 List, which is 30 things I want to do/accomplish before I turn 30!

Currently, I am working on getting my book published (MORE DETAILS COMING SOON!) and losing 35 lbs.. (I am down 21 lbs.... not much farther to go y'all!) My list is semi-personal, but I will share a few things:

Buying/wearing a wig - COMPLETED
Learning how to french braid- In progress
Go Natural- Completed via big chop last September

I will keep you updated on the progress, mmmkayy?

I know I say this every year, but I will try to do better with posting. One post per week is the pliggity plan.. Maybe I can sync my smartphone or my tablet so I can share my brilliance on this giggity go, ya heard me?

I have a LOT of advice letters that I need to get through, also, I have a lot of topics that I want to cover..

Until next time, boo's and boo-ette's....

Yea, I have truly fell off..

Greetings Guys!

I apologize -- it's been hectic.... but, I'll do better..

My battery is just now recharging a bit....

I'm behind on advice letters that you guys have sent in, as well as topics of interest..

Real quick:

I got a new car last night.... YAYYYYY GOD!

But, until then, drop me a line at j_pat04@yahoo.com if you want some advice or a letter answered... I PROMISE to be caught up verrryyyy soon!