Letter Advice - My Boyfriend is fading away....

Good Morning....

Daily double people..... And I'm tired lol

This letter was sent to me asking for advice. With their permission, I have posted the following:

Dear Jen,

I love the blog. Love your writing style and quirky ways of keeping it real. Please stick with the blog this time. It is very refreshing and the highlight of my day. Anyway, I write to you as a 28 year old AA woman who has her stuff together. I have a career and I pay my bills on time with no assistance. That alone is simple enough, but rare to find. You know what I mean? Anyway, my boyfriend is 26 and it seems like our fire has fizzled. We have been together for about 3 years and we are content. He has not mentioned marriage, but we both agree that long term commitment is something that we both would like to work on together. However, he is still struggling to make his mark on the world professionally, if you get my drift. As of late, it seems that the romance in our union has fizzled. He kisses me and we go through the motions, but he seems distant. He seems as if his mind is elsewhere. When I called him on it, he said he had a lot on his mind and he was stressed out. He did apologize, saying he would do better. What should I do? Should I give him time? Should I give him space? Is he telling me the truth? Please help.

Thanks,
Neglected & Not Happy About It

Dear Neglected & Not Happy About It,

Thanks for showing the blog love. I appreciate it greatly.... However, after 3 years, you and your man have discussed long term commitment, but not marriage specifically. Are you worried that you have invested 3 years and you may not get that return on your investment? I ask that because you mentioned the long-term commitment talk and stated not marriage specifically piece first, before you went in to explain how the romance has fizzled. Maybe you should examine that with yourself a bit deeper.

Now, maybe your man is telling the truth. When a man is stressed out about he can provide for himself and future, that becomes his main focus, especially at his ago. He can't even begin to fathom marriage, commitment, kids, etc until he knows he can provide financially. Sometimes, a man can't feel like a man unless he is the breadwinner and provider, so why take a wife when you are not together.. A man wants to offer his best, not his subpar. Yes, give him time. Yes, give him some space. Yes, communicate this to him. Say something like "I know you are going through a lot. I'm here if you need to talk. I love you. I appreciate everything you are doing right now. I just want to let you know that I feel your stress and I really want to help. Just know that I'm here and I love you." That will speak volumes because you aren't prying, you aren't mandating a confession, you're not being accusatory or nagging..... It opens the door of communication and leaves the ball in his court.

BEST OF LUCK,
JEN

What do you think? Any words for Neglected & Not Happy About It? Was I dead on or dead wrong?

UNTIL NEXT TIME....